Sometimes the one way conversations with Cole just leave me sad...I listen to myself ramble and wonder what he must think of me. Sometimes he seems to have no interest in conversation or communicating. I don't know if he simply needs some quiet or if he's being defiant, not responding to me or if he doesn't know how to respond to me. Other times, he's engaged and the chatter seems mutual.
While I would give my life for everything about him to be perfect, if one ability could miraculously be restored, I think I'd choose the ability to talk. There has never been a moment in Cole's life where I feel like I wasn't guessing what he wanted, felt, needed, or thought. There's no way to be 100 percent certain about it. I know I get it right a fair amount but I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for him to have the ability to think, feel and understand but to not be able to communicate exactly what it is you want. One day, as his skills with assistive technology become stronger and more adept, he'll come close...He'll never have the ability to readily articulate his thoughts or to, like his mother often does, ramble...
It breaks my heart...and I tire of my voice and ramblings...and I long to hear his voice...
