Scars

Tonight as I gave Cole his bath, I was feeling rather contemplative and as I washed and rinsed his little body, I took note of the various scars. He has lots of them. Many from his first few days when he struggled to stay alive and had tubing running circles around him. Desperate to have our hands on him in those early days, Dan and both learned to navigate the tubing and tape so that we could cradle him in our arms to comfort ourselves. We rose to the challenge of changing his diapers - not an easy feat when your child is wrapped in bondage! There are tiny little X's on the sides of his chest where chest tubes were inserted, and another little x on his neck where something entered, for medication, I think. Then there's a long slice down his stomach which was used to perform the surgery to initially insert his feeding tube so he could go home. He has two pairs of gashes on his legs and a pair of sort of knotted scars on his along his pelvis, all from an orthopedic surgery when he was four that lengthened his tendons and muscles to allow him more flexibility and to help prevent hip displacement, a common occurrence for people with cerebral palsy. He left the hospital following that surgery with a cut broom handle separating his casted legs at the ankles...very crude looking but I suppose it's effective as I've seen pictures of other kids who had the same surgery with the broom...The trouble with it was he didn't really fit through a door way with the broom...He, of course, took in all in stride and rode out the two weeks of casts like a champ...The last scar is one that I inflicted...and probably the one that haunts me the most...a little ding on his temple, right near his eye. I lost control of his wheelchair on a crazy sidewalk and the chair went over the curb and toppled before I could grab it. I remember it seeming like forever but it was mere seconds until I whipped the chair, Cole and all, back on it's wheels, unstrapped him, and had him in my arms...He didn't cry (I did), he just nestled into me as I struggled to stay calm. The only wound was a small scrape on his temple, by his eye. A little blood, but nothing serious. The scar makes it look like it was much more severe and reminds me daily of the day I hurt my baby...