Changes...
As I mentioned previously, I've become somewhat adverse to change...Perhaps that's not entirely accurate...I'm adverse to the process but not necessarily to the outcome. Much as I hate to admit, it's a note of aging...Big change now requires me to analyze (okay, overanalyze), digest, kick & scream and then finally accept...Where I once, occasionally to my detriment, would leap head first into change, I now think, think, think...While I know some of the consideration has to do with the fact that my decisions, changes, movements now effect more than just me. I have to factor what the changes will mean for Cole, for Dan, for our family. And in my current frantic fashion, I tend to land first on the downside...the buts, what if's, guilt, fear.
When I was younger, single, and yes, a bit dumber (less experienced?), I flew by the seat of my pants. Like most of us, I did what I wanted to do, what sounded exciting, interesting, challenging, daring, even frightening...I didn't often consider the consequences or outcome. I had a lot of great experiences as a result and got into trouble too. I admit it's an irresponsible way to live, and that it's a lifestyle one can only experience in one's youth (though I do know people into their 40's now who still maintain this somewhat hedonistic existence)...but sometimes, like today, when I'm grappling with even just the suggestion of a big change, I wish I had some of that fearlessness and (foolhardy) confidence...
Pretty soon now, you're gonna get older...
Time may change me...but I can't trace time...
Changes...
