Turn and face the strange...

Changes...

As I mentioned previously, I've become somewhat adverse to change...Perhaps that's not entirely accurate...I'm adverse to the process but not necessarily to the outcome. Much as I hate to admit, it's a note of aging...Big change now requires me to analyze (okay, overanalyze), digest, kick & scream and then finally accept...Where I once, occasionally to my detriment, would leap head first into change, I now think, think, think...While I know some of the consideration has to do with the fact that my decisions, changes, movements now effect more than just me. I have to factor what the changes will mean for Cole, for Dan, for our family. And in my current frantic fashion, I tend to land first on the downside...the buts, what if's, guilt, fear.

When I was younger, single, and yes, a bit dumber (less experienced?), I flew by the seat of my pants. Like most of us, I did what I wanted to do, what sounded exciting, interesting, challenging, daring, even frightening...I didn't often consider the consequences or outcome. I had a lot of great experiences as a result and got into trouble too. I admit it's an irresponsible way to live, and that it's a lifestyle one can only experience in one's youth (though I do know people into their 40's now who still maintain this somewhat hedonistic existence)...but sometimes, like today, when I'm grappling with even just the suggestion of a big change, I wish I had some of that fearlessness and (foolhardy) confidence...

Pretty soon now, you're gonna get older...

Time may change me...but I can't trace time...

Changes...

First of 2009

I've been negligent and now my brain is jumbled with too many thoughts going in too many directions. The year started off well. We were in the DC area for the New Year and for my MIL's 60th fete (which we helped pull together). So lovely...I had never been to DC and fell for Old Town Alexandria, where my in-laws now live. Really pretty and so different from suburbs of LA. The trip was great...Cole traveled well and had the best time with his grandparents. We returned the afternoon before school started back so things have just moved forward since then. Back to school, back to work, back to life...

Cole was pleased to be back at school. A kid can take only so much mom and dad without the diversion of friends, school and parentless activity to alleviate the mundane time with mom and dad...He's doing Mad Science and Sports afterschool this semester and may end staying afterschool everyday (I just interviewed for a full time gig so life may change for little family as quickly as next Monday!)...He's happy to be back. They're working on Biography Mobiles that they'll present to their classes next month. He has to interview someone who grew up differently than he has and design/decorate/etc. a mobile and presentation...Pretty cool stuff.

Dan's back to travel, leaving for Berlin Monday...And I'm still consulting but with a potential full time post in the works...We shall see. I interviewed this morning...and am now trying to catch up a bit from the weekend...Friday started with a playdate, then a sleepover Saturday and yet another playdate (movie date) on Sunday...In total, 6 different girls! (4 girls at the movie)...Who knew that 7 year old lotharios could be so very busy!

Though I am pleased to possibly have the option of a new, full time, secure job...I'm a bit freaked out about it too. I generally see myself as fairly flexible and spontaneous but I suspect that I'm not as much as I think! I'd have to start Monday, which brings about lots of changes for us, for Cole mostly in that he'll have to stay at after school care every day...I think the fact that Dan will be in Berlin when I'd start also factors into the nerves...and having to give up the flexibility I have as a consultant...but in these times, and with the inconsistency of consultanting, I'm thankful to have been considered...I suppose it will work out the way it's supposed to whether I worry or not...

So I'll choose not...