Fever

Fever seems to have taken over my life during the past two weeks. It started two Mondays ago with Cole going from normal to 103.5 in about ten minutes...and it hasn't stopped. He's had pneumonia, an upper respitory infection and two ear infections during the past 14 days and I've had the pneumonia and upper respitory...Maybe the ears but I never checked. With the exeception of a residual cough, I'm well on my way to being healthy. We've had the quietest, dullest days these weeks and yet before bed last night the boy felt warm..100.4, cool bath and Tylenol, off to bed and he wakes with 101.1! I don't get it. He's congested again and achey...It's back to the doctor tomorrow even though summer school starts tomorrow and I desperately have to get back to work...Working from home is just not the same...I can be productive but there's just something so nice about being amongst my coworkers and interacting that makes it seem more productive at the office. Let's all cross our fingers that it's just an ear and not something worse...Fever...when you kiss me, fever all through the night...

My Time

I've had the whole morning to myself...some of the afternoon...I left before Dan took Cole to horseback riding to attend my 2nd Weight Watchers meeting (from now to be known as WW if I ever mention it). Yes, I've finally made the decision to lose the excess emotional baggage I've been carrying around for the past decade and thought some help might be a good idea. Down 2.2 my first week...not bad considering it was a crazy week and nothing really worked out the way it was supposed to. So after that, I leisurely ran errands and did some house puttering. I can't remember when I've had six hours to myself and frankly, I didn't quite know what to do with it. I should savor it since I'll be on my own for much of the summer while Dan's shooting a movie in Baltimore. It will be a busy, hectic summer for all three of us. Cole's doing summer school, a drama camp (they'll put on Newsies at the end) and then four weeks at a real old fashioned summer camp where they'll swim, hike, do archery, arts & crafts, gymnastics, soccer, some game called GaGa that he's very excited about, and more. What I imagine the idyllic summer camp experience to be...I'll be working and Dan'll have long days making the movie...He grew up in Baltimore so it should be a pretty fun time between the hard work. A different summer for us but hopefully a good one. Now I'm tired and wishing my time wasn't almost up. The boys are bowling with one of Cole's teachers but due to be back in just a few minutes. Part of me feels like I should have gone for a massage or yoga or something but the other part feels reasonably satisfied that a lot of running around was successful and that I don't have to drag Cole around to do lame, necessary errands...Perhaps I'll have a quick up of tea and curl up with a book until they're back...hmm

He's not me...

The boy is sick again...Just a cold/flu fever thing...but congested enough to keep him up and witha sore throat that makes him prefer to spit instead of swallow...Dan picked him up from school yesterday with a sore throat and is staying home with him today. It felt so strange to leave the house with Cole there not feeling well. It's the first time in seven odd years that I've had to do that. I felt a twinge of nerves from Dan, not because he's not an amazing dad who is completely capable of taking care of the boy, but because he's simply not me, and because his efforts will be made more difficult because of it. He, in fact, often proves to be more attentive to Cole's needs, but it doesn't often matter. I feel for him. I see how frustrating it is and even disheartening. I wish there was something I could do about it but Cole's got his mind set and even when he's frustrated or angry with me, it's still me he craves. So I'm here at work feeling badly that I'm not home, feeling badly that Dan's missing work, feeling badly that Cole might be giving him a hard time...

I'm tucked inside a cubby hole

A cubby I call my office...It's my first experience with the dreaded "not really an office" office. Modular dividers...I'm quickly becoming crowded with binders, books, files, and piles of loose papers. Photos clutter the nubby push pin wall, along with memorabilia designed to make me look both cool and interesting. Privacy doesn't exist when your office is open and in the middle of the entire office space. Your conversations are easily overheard, although you can hear your coworkers just as easily so there's the bonus of selective voyerism. I frequently, nearly always, eat at my desk which is awkward at best. And yet somehow, I've grown accustomed to being on display. And I find myself wondering if this is how zoo animals feel, being watched constantly during every hour of the day?

MAPS for Cole

Friday we particpated in a MAPS Personal Assessment for Cole at his school. One of his teachers is working on her masters and wanted to do the assessment for Cole. It's typically done when children are a bit older but she, very insightfully, thought it could be really beneficial to do one now. She and Cole planned the day. They invited friends he selected, family members and teachers, therapists, and even our principal, collectively, his Circle of Friends. The atmostphere was almost party-like with pizza and ice cream for all.

Prior to the event, Cole was asked to describe himself in terms of what he is: a son, friend, cousin, swimmer, bowler...Then we were all asked to share responses to several different questions: Who Cole is to us; what characteristics define Cole; what are our dreams for Cole; what are Cole's strengths; what are his needs, now & in the future. The responses were written out on big sheets of paper, one for each aspect and posted around the room. It was really amazing to hear what all of the different people had to share.

His teacher will then review and assess the responses and create a plan of action so to speak that will be used as a tool for mapping out Cole's future goals in school and in life. Most likely he will have another MAPS when he's a bit older, perhaps transitioning to middle school and we'll now have a wonderful baseline for next time. Plus it gives us an opportunity to start early in trying to help him reach every goal, wish and dream...It also occurs to me that the children who participated may not have fully understood the impact this will have but I suspect that in small ways their understanding, and appreciation of their dear friend Cole, has deepened, and that this will somehow translate into something special in their lives too.

Working Girl

Yes...that's me...a working girl! Three weeks in and fairly happy with the new gig. There's a ton of catch-up and a slight learning curve for me..In my former career I was the lead singer and now I'm the bass player or maybe lead guitar? I would pass on the work I'm now doing to someone else so while I am familiar with it on a strong level, I'm now having to become verse in the actual nuts & bolts of it...But I'm liking it and the days go by really quickly and the people I'm meeting are great and it's a relief to have a steady paycheck and most importantly, Cole is handling the changes he's had to make with grace.

He's now at school five days a week from 8:30 to 5:30...a long day for any child...Our home routine has streamlined and he's doing so well with everything which just makes it that much easier for me to not become a guilt ridden mom!

He's the top!!!

Juggling

I started a new job last week. The whole thing came up suddenly and then Friday night the offer came with a Monday start! Yikes...Of course, Dan left for two weeks in Berlin the same Monday...So, I accepted...figured out afterschool care for Cole and flew into crazy woman mode...I'm really good at that one! Naturally, Cole got sick midweek and I had to take a day off because I haven't figured out the sick day care plan...If Dan were home, he'd stay with him...The stress level rose and rose and then it all kind of evaporated...Everyone was understanding and Cole is getting better and he and I are on the road to developing a new evening routine...

The panic set in during the weekend before I started...I think that's how I operate...freak out over all of the what if's and then when the time comes for action, I'm actually pretty cool. Cole's defintely cool...He seems to effortlessly adapt to things once he's got a grasp of the who, what, where, when, why's...Oh, you're working ("want to see"...where I work...), and I get to stay at school late every day with my friends...(YAY!)...

The past ten days have flown by though...I haven't figured out how to juggle it all yet. I know it's possible because I have a great many friends who do it successfully and set a great example...I'm lucky too because I won't have juggle by myself...Dan'll be there catching things that fall and tossing them back up into the air...

The interesting thing I'm rediscovering is me...more to come on that one...